Coming up with things to do with your loved one can be annoying on good days and downright anxiety inducing on the bad ones.
Sometimes, it seems like there are too many damn hours in a day. How do you keep them occupied without sitting them in front of the TV all day? Isn’t this what you were trying to avoid??
Note: Actually, no. You now have them in your care so that they’re safe. You can use the Netflix Nanny however much you need to. Remember that for [covid] parenting, too!
You could be in any number of circumstances, be it having kids, no kids and an amazing spouse, or single, you’re going to need some tools in your toolbelt to be able to keep your loved one engaged.
Having a variety of games in the house will give tons of hours of engaged social time with your loved one. Also, getting everything from Amazon will make your life 3000 times easier. (I will say that I am ALL for small businesses, but in my area, there are not small businesses that sell UNO cards or the game of LIFE.)
Here are some great ideas for playing games with your loved one in every stage of the disease process. I will precede this by saying that I’m not going to get into great detail about the stages of dementia (you can find that here), but I will give a few examples of what your life could currently be like in each stage so you can better fit your loved one into a gaming category.
Early stage
In the early stages of dementia or a progressive brain disease, it’s easier to play games that you or I would play. They may need a little support, but typically it’s pretty easy to play some easy games with your loved one.
Wii
Even though there are new adaptations of the Wii, the original is still where it’s at for the old and young! Having that remote in your hand makes it much easier to play than something like a Nintendo Switch, which is all the rage. There are so few buttons that they would have to press and it can make for hours of fun with you and the kids! My favorites that I like for adults with early stage dementia are Wii Party, Wii Sports, Wii Sports Resort and Wii Game Party. These are the easiest games for your loved one to comprehend and will have fun playing. All of these are available on Amazon or at your local game store.
Card Games
Card games are an easy way to keep your family member engaged and for you to have a little fun as well. The best part about card games is that it’s really cheap fun. Card games I would recommend are war, poker, go fish, Uno, and if you want to play an assisted game of solitaire, that could be a fun option as well.
There is a chance that you may have to help them with the card game, but be patient, calm and always make it seem like it’s no big deal to have a little help.
If they grew up playing a regional card game, play it with them! We have a game in Wisconsin called “Sheepshead”, and for those who have played forever, it’s a great game to continue playing. (Full disclosure, I’ve never learned and would be shunned from the Sheepshead community)
Board Games
Board Games are the easy one, but there are certain games that you should stick to so that the instructions aren’t overly complicated. For example, playing Settlers of Catan with Mom may not be the best choice if she’s never played. If you all grew up playing Monopoly, however, where there are more instructions, but she’s played it FOREVER, that may be more up her alley. There are some great games that have prompts and/or that are easy to play, including the following:
- Life
- Trouble
- Jenga
- Yahtzee
- Monopoly
The best way to play any game, unfortunately, is trial and error, but you will see what works well and what won’t very quickly.
YouTube Trivia
This is a really cool one that works for smaller groups, like being at home with your loved one. I tried this out in a larger group, and there was one person that always answered and made everyone else mad!
As a caregiver, YouTube will generally be your saving grace for all things reminiscing, as they have recordings of old song lists, movies, and even commercials. There are some great trivia games that you can play with your loved one that have every decade, not just the 30s, 40s and 50s.
Leroy’s Library: 60’s Quiz (approx. 16 minutes) It’s quick, but you can pause when you need to. Leroy’s has decades spanning from the 50s to now.
Puzzles
Puzzles are a fantastic way to keep their brain pathways still kicking! We have 300 to 500 piece puzzles for our loved ones, but if they’ve been playing puzzles their whole lives, and 500 would be an insult, don’t get stingy on them!
Moderate Stage
The moderate stage of dementia can be the hardest to engage, but they have these beautiful and hilarious moments to make to wonder “where did that come from?!”. In this stage, they will obviously need more support in their games, but choose games that are easier to play so that they can be as independent as possible still.
Easy Card Games
Card games will get progressively harder to play for those in the moderate stage, so the easiest card games that you will definitely be helping them play are:
- Uno
- Go Fish
It gets a little harder to play these games, but if you make it a game to help them out so that they can beat the kids, well, isn’t that always a win??
Repeat After Me
What is this, you might ask? It’s pretty much exactly how it sounds. You say one part of a phrase, and they finish it for you. For example:
You: Roses are red…
LO: violets are blue.
You: I’m going off the rails…
LO: On a crazy train.
Those are two very different Repeat After Mes, but both will work for the younger parent. It’s such a great game to play, but you may have to figure out which categories will work best for your loved one. With your dad, you may be able to give the city of a sports team and he’ll school you on the team name or maybe he’ll love the states and capitols better.
This game is such a great way for them to use their brains. I do this all the time with my residents! I have a lady who confuses words a lot, and then I pull this game out and she’s my whiz bang!
YouTube Trivia
You can use the same YouTube trivia videos, but what I would recommend is to slow down the game for them. Pause the video when the question has been asked, repeat it for them again if they need additional assistance. If it’s getting to the point that they aren’t able to comprehend the questions, maybe going to the next category will be better.
Sing a Longs
Sing a longs are a fantastic way to keep the attention of a loved one who loves music! There have been so many studies that have been done about music and memory that it’s mostly household knowledge that music is great for the brain.
Use YouTube (you’re digital savior) or print out lyrics so that you both can read the lyrics. Dance around like a ding dong. Use the remote as a microphone like they do in the montages in the movies, because it’s fun and silly!
At the end of it all, we want to see our loved ones smiling, so why not make it fun?
End stage
Finally, we’ve reached the last stage of dementia, which is undoubtedly the hardest to engage, but to be candid, the easier stage to catch a bit of a break. If they’re not walking anymore, it’s easier to go get the drink of water or the fresh air.
Here’s the thing though: We still want them engaged, don’t we?
Engaging someone in the last stages of their brain disease can be such a challenge. How can you engage with someone who can’t engage back?
We know that the person who is sitting in the chair or lying in that bed loves to be loved. That’s why you’re doing what you’re doing, you’re loving and caring for them, but we also know that socialization is good for them! Ok, so what do you do?
Sing a Longs
Always a winner. Hopefully because at this point, you know what your mom or dad loved for music. There are always the classics to fall back on as well, like “You Are My Sunshine” or even the National Anthem, for some. .
YouTube will be your best friend through this process, we’ve already established this. You can look up any song, from any time period and be able to sing with them.
Themed props
This is a really fun way to engage with your LO. Have different themes that you can do with them. Get different props that engage their senses. I was an activity director, and we always tried to get to a “reaction moment”, because they were using their brains!
Here are some fun themes that you can do with your Mom or Dad. Got kids? This is a GREAT way to get them involved!
- Beach Theme-get some sand and put it in a plastic tub and let them stick their hands in it. Use coconut lotion for a hand massage and put on a hawaiian beach walk on YouTube!
- Tea Party-get out the tea set and have a tea party! Put on classical music, have some tea (great for hydration) and get some ridiculously large hats! Make tiny PB&Js and cut the crusts off!
- Weddings-bring out either her or your wedding dress (can’t find one? Go to goodwill and they have a wedding section). Keep up with the hand massage theme, drink some sparkling apple juice. Wondering what to talk about? Talk about all the weddings you’ve been to, the good and the bad, the expensive and the cheap. You’ll be surprised to see the responses you get back!
Things to Remember
There are some pretty great ideas in here, but as I said earlier, this is a trial and error game (pun not intended). They may not be able to play anything for a long time, so enjoy the laughs and silly moments you get while you have them.
In this trial and error, what may have worked before may not work now, and vice versa. They may be adamant that they want to play Jenga, and you JUST KNOW that they’re going to get mad, and this is the time they prove you wrong, and you both have a great time.
Dementia is weird, but as long as you know that there are going to be some bumps in the road, it’ll make the time you have much more worthwhile.
Tell me your gaming stories, I want to see pictures and videos! Hashtag it #gamingwithdementa.
Till next time,
