Warning: This is a hard conversation. I speak bluntly, but maybe this is what you need to hear today.
Everyday families just like yours are making the painful choice of moving their loved one into a community setting. But these communities are not how “senior/nursing home” used to be. These places are decked to the nines. This is the new assisted living
The moment you walk into the beautifully built and new assisted living, you see the bar or the coffee bistro.
The interior design that’s actually what you see in magazines.
The 2 bedroom apartment that you know your dad is going to “need” because he “needs” the office.
“But it’s got a bar!”
“Dad has to have a kitchen.”
“They have transportation for shopping trips!”
All of these things are wonderful when your Dad is fully able to make their own decisions, except for one glaring problem.
He’s not able to. He was diagnosed with dementia. If you are going through this process, you already understand that your dad cannot live at home safely because he has dementia.
You think to yourself, “well, he’s in the early stages, he can still do a lot of things himself!”
Assisted living is just that…Assisted.
Assisted living communities are popping up all over the place, and they have a lot of great attributes for seniors who want to live in a more social setting and don’t have a memory impairment.
There are activities going on during the day, movie nights in a theatre setting, outings to the grocery store. And the best part is that they can have a great apartment AND get assistance when they need it. But how much care?
The care can range from helping put on compression stockings to helping someone get showered and dressed, and the care your parent needs is determined by an assessment.
Assisted livings also have built on memory care units onto their communities because they know the statistics, and they need to keep their census. Here’s a quick statistic:
If you reach 85, there is a 1 in 3 chance that you will develop Alzheimer’s.
So if the time comes that your mom or dad need memory care services, they can just transition to the memory care unit, right? It’s a nice thought, but your dad already has dementia to where he is unsafe to live at home anymore. The right assisted living will steer you away from their program if they know that they will be unable to meet Dad’s needs. WARNING: If an assisted living tells you that they can take care of all of Dad’s dementia needs, they may be trying to boost their census. The truth is that they cannot.
So where can you take Dad? To specialized memory care, of course!
Why Specialized Memory Care?
Specialized memory care communities exist, and you may need to search “memory care” instead of “assisted living” in your Google search.
Memory Care communities:
- Allow your loved one to co-mingle with their cognitive peer group, giving them a sense of independence, dignity and inclusion (whereas if different staged residents co-mingle, it can get a little Mean Girls-esque!) ***add you can’t sit here GIF***
- Give more structure to your loved one’s day with enriching engagements. They will assist your resident to the engagement in a way that they can’t just say “no”. PRO-TIP: Ask for an activity calendar and also ask if they separate their differently staged cognitive residents in activities.
- Have employees who are dementia trained. That may mean different things for different communities, but these employees know how to work with those who have dementia so that they can have a more enriching life.
- SOME memory care communities specialize in early stage dementia, giving those who are younger the opportunity to socialize with younger residents.
- Most likely, they will have higher nursing care that will be able to take care of Dad if he has co-morbidities like diabetes, heart conditions, breathing issues, etc.
Memory care communities these days are just as beautiful as the assisted livings, because there is such a great need for specialized memory care. They have big, bright windows, east access to snacks without having to ask an associate, and lots of engagements.
Hard Truths
This is where I get very real.
Your loved one needs more than you can give them at home, if you can afford it.
Here’s another one:
Other people can take care of your dad better than you.
It may be painful, but it’s true.
You may be thinking that you can keep them at home with help, but the truth is that home care companies are not enough to keep your loved one occupied all day if you want to have some type of life, too.
If you want the best quality of life for your loved one, imagine all the hats you have to wear day in and day out:
- Chef hat-for a healthy, nutritious diet…and what about when their diet changes?
- Clown hat-to entertain them…what do you mean, you don’t have the energy?
- Nurses cap-to make sure that they are taking their medications appropriately…Oh, it’s not easy for them to take their meds, you say?
- Sunglasses– to be able to get them enough sunlight a day
- Driver’s cap-to make sure that they’re getting out in the world…Oh, it’s not easy to take them out, you say?
It is so so so SO much work to properly care for someone who has dementia, because they need a lot of care.
And this person is your world. The person who raised you, the person you’ve known your entire life. Of course you want to give them the best.
If you/they can afford it, start touring today.
So what’s next?
Looking for the best community for your loved one can be challenging, but I have made it much easier for you in a FREE guide that includes service comparisons, document checklists, and more! Click HERE to instantly turn your overwhelming hunt into an easy, knowledgeable journey.
The road to finding your loved one an amazing quality of life doesn’t have to be so hard. You have to get honest with yourself (ex: There are people who can take better care of my loved one than me), Have the right mindset (ex: memory care for my loved one will help me get my life back), and have the right tools in your toolbelt (Your First Steps Guide).
Do you have more questions about the initial steps of the memory care placement process? Ask questions in the comments section below or ask a question HERE!
Good luck, my friend.
